Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Funny bones and stuff


Everyone does not have a funny bone. It's true. There are people who are not funny at all.

So where does funny come from? There is not a milestone on a child's growth chart saying YOU ARE NOW FUNNY. There isn't a class you can take. There is no Humor Masters degree or PhD. You can't buy it. There is no bar code for humor. Funny parents can have unfunny kids. Boring parents can have funny kids. It is not genetic. So, where do you get funny from?







I have no freaking idea.



I don't. I didn't have some horrible childhood I needed to escape from(I am the only girl and had to clean the bathroom after boys, does that count?). There is no deep tragedy in my past that would warp my brain patterns just so(there is that Oscar Mayer hot dog thing, hmmm). I don't even have six fingers or weird ears that made me the laughing stock(So I made my husband propose before he saw my feet, big deal!!). I wasn't a class clown (I never ever imitated Ms. Shaffer's duck walk *quack*).


*sigh* Comedic failure.


Or not.


I am a wee bit funny little bit. At least, sometimes. I had this funny little thought. It grew. Like a seed that sprouted and grew massive honking leaves! I think it was all the bullsh*t I fertilized it with myself. Anyway, I wrote this tale down. A looooooooooooong time ago. Like, long time. Like Neon sweatshirts slopping over one shoulder long time ago.

And like any good writer... I stuck it in a box and forgot about it.

What?

So anyway, I kept writing bcause, honestly, I talk enough that most people stop listening and I needed someone to converse with. So I made people up. Grown up imaginary friends. (please, don't sit there, that is Freida's seat, she is standing right there, for gawd's sake!!)

My husband, poor brave man that he is, asked me one day why I never did anything with them. Well duh!! They are INVISIBLE!! But he meant the stories.

Oh.


I dunno, I just thought it was me being... me. Goofy. But he started me thinking about something, a dream I had a long time ago, shoved in that box with that story. I wanted to be a writer. So I dug it out. And decided to type it up. But it needed polishing. And well, it is not that boxed up tale anymore. In fact, It is so different it is like mayo compared to... uhm... chocolate. There that works as a comparison.

I wasn't sure I could do anything with it but what the hell, falling on my face never stopped me before, right?

I sent it to Samhain Publishing. Well, not really. I meant to. But I attached the wrong damn file to the email. *faceplant* Did I mention I am computer illiterate? I am.

So I tucked tail (tale?hmmm) and begged for a reprieve, to sent the correct file and pleasepleaseplease DO NOT look at that mess attached. You know, the uhm, christmas wish lish for my kids, yeah, that one.

They were very nice and let me send THE RIGHT DAMN FILE.

And OMG, they laughed. They liked it. They wanted to make it into a *gulp* real book.

And they did.

I puked. Mulitple times, by the way.

But it is a real book and I hope it makes YOU laugh!!

Wanna see it? Sure you do. Look!! Up there! (Pretend with me, I am like that annoying Aunt who makes you sit through slides of her Yosemite Trip. See? It's me on a donkey!)

Let me tell you about JINXED. (Here is where you have to go to the bathroom during the slide show and hide out in the kitchen with creepy Uncle Phil until I am done)

JINXED - When opposites attract, they are screwed three ways from Sunday.

Frannie learned the hard way that a McHottie doesn’t always equal marriage material. Besides, she’s happy with her vanilla life. She has friends, a career and a double-D-powered vibrator. Then Fate shoves her, literally, into Prince Charming’s lap. His declaration of love at first sight is cute—and spikes her bullcrap meter into the red zone.

She’s more than willing to give in with her body. But she’s barricaded her heart behind castle walls—and permanently welded the gates shut.

Tragedy taught Jinx that time is too precious to waste, so when a series of uncanny coincidences thrusts Frannie into his life, he holds on tight. He knows she thinks he’s several fries short of a Happy Meal, but he’s determined to breach the fortress around her heart and give her a Happily Ever After.

Even if he has to carry her fanny-first into his kingdom.

WARNING: Includes jelly shoes, a narcoleptic cat, and meatloaf. The steamy sex scenes may lead to fogged windows and wet panties, so proceed at your own risk. Do not attempt to read without the following items: tissues, napkins for spewed beverages, and a booty call on speed dial.

So, there it is, out of the box and polished to a pink frothy goodness. It is funny. It is sad. It is sexy and mostly, it is all mine.

Er, unless you want to buy it. Then it can be all yours, too.

You can visit me here and buy it here and read an excerpt here and Look!! ELVIS here.

Want to win a free copy?(duh Inez, of course they do) Leave me a comment below and I will come back tonight and pick a random commenter for a free download of JINXED!

ENJOY!!

18 comments:

Rachel Jameson said...

You're a goof! Congratulations on the book release! What a fantastic feeling that must be! I'd love to win your book! Pretty please?
Have fun, little miss author!
-Rachel

Rhonda said...

Congrats on the new book release! I would love to win this book. It sounds great!

Bernadette Gardner and Jennifer Colgan said...

Congrats on the release - it sounds awesome! And you are more than a little bit funny - the blurb had me laughing!

Elaina said...

Woman, I laugh every time I read one of your posts. You are hands down one of the funniest people I know!

Maggie J said...

You are to funny!Love funny books.Congrats on your release.

Inez Kelley said...

DRIVE BY!!


Just swinging it to say hi Peeps! Thanks for the comments and I will be back!!

Babyblue22 said...

Definitely one of the funniest posst I've ever read!! :-D
Congrats on the new release!
Jinxed sounds great,
It's a nice change to see that the hero is chasing the heroine for a change. It's almost like she's the man and he's the woman..LOL
~Afshan

Jeannie Lin said...

What a lovely story! (the writing it and getting it sold part, not the puking part) Congrats on the release. Funny is hard. I respect funny immensely!

Natasha said...

Hmm I am going to have to look into this book a bit more. You have piqued my interest!

Brit said...

You have me at "your warning" :D

Inez Kelley said...

#2 Rhonda! According to my ultra random 5 yr old who picked a number, You won!!

Email me at inezkelley@gmail.com with your choice of formats and JINXED is yours!! Congrats to you and thanks for stopping by ladies!

Naughty Girls, I return your blog to you, thanks for having me, it has been a blast!

Leah Braemel said...

OMG, Inez! Did you really send in the wrong MS? The nightmare all authors have!

While I'd desperately like to be "funny" I'm not so I am in awe. Your stories almost have me laughing out loud - I love 'em so much.

Inez Kelley said...

Yes, I really did send the wrong manuscript! Talk about mortified. i think my email started like, "Hi, i am sure you will remember me after this but..."

Janice said...

Hi Inez,

I was trying to find your Thursday's thirteen and found this instead. Cute, you are funny gal. But don't puke anymore, okay?

Thanks for post a comment on my blog, maybe next time you can post a TT, 'kay.

Janice~

Janice said...

Hi Inez,

I just wanted to leave you a comment back. No Thursday's thirteen? Well, maybe next time.

Happy Fourth of July.

Janice~

Janice said...

Hi Inez,

Still no Thursdays Thirteen?

Okay, maybe next time.

Janice~

Janice said...

Gee, I keep looking for your TT and keep finding this post.

Next time?

Janice~

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