Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Funny bones and stuff
Everyone does not have a funny bone. It's true. There are people who are not funny at all.
So where does funny come from? There is not a milestone on a child's growth chart saying YOU ARE NOW FUNNY. There isn't a class you can take. There is no Humor Masters degree or PhD. You can't buy it. There is no bar code for humor. Funny parents can have unfunny kids. Boring parents can have funny kids. It is not genetic. So, where do you get funny from?
I have no freaking idea.
I don't. I didn't have some horrible childhood I needed to escape from(I am the only girl and had to clean the bathroom after boys, does that count?). There is no deep tragedy in my past that would warp my brain patterns just so(there is that Oscar Mayer hot dog thing, hmmm). I don't even have six fingers or weird ears that made me the laughing stock(So I made my husband propose before he saw my feet, big deal!!). I wasn't a class clown (I never ever imitated Ms. Shaffer's duck walk *quack*).
*sigh* Comedic failure.
I am a wee bit funny little bit. At least, sometimes. I had this funny little thought. It grew. Like a seed that sprouted and grew massive honking leaves! I think it was all the bullsh*t I fertilized it with myself. Anyway, I wrote this tale down. A looooooooooooong time ago. Like, long time. Like Neon sweatshirts slopping over one shoulder long time ago.
And like any good writer... I stuck it in a box and forgot about it.
So anyway, I kept writing bcause, honestly, I talk enough that most people stop listening and I needed someone to converse with. So I made people up. Grown up imaginary friends. (please, don't sit there, that is Freida's seat, she is standing right there, for gawd's sake!!)
My husband, poor brave man that he is, asked me one day why I never did anything with them. Well duh!! They are INVISIBLE!! But he meant the stories.
I dunno, I just thought it was me being... me. Goofy. But he started me thinking about something, a dream I had a long time ago, shoved in that box with that story. I wanted to be a writer. So I dug it out. And decided to type it up. But it needed polishing. And well, it is not that boxed up tale anymore. In fact, It is so different it is like mayo compared to... uhm... chocolate. There that works as a comparison.
I wasn't sure I could do anything with it but what the hell, falling on my face never stopped me before, right?
I sent it to Samhain Publishing. Well, not really. I meant to. But I attached the wrong damn file to the email. *faceplant* Did I mention I am computer illiterate? I am.
So I tucked tail (tale?hmmm) and begged for a reprieve, to sent the correct file and pleasepleaseplease DO NOT look at that mess attached. You know, the uhm, christmas wish lish for my kids, yeah, that one.
They were very nice and let me send THE RIGHT DAMN FILE.
And OMG, they laughed. They liked it. They wanted to make it into a *gulp* real book.
And they did.
I puked. Mulitple times, by the way.
But it is a real book and I hope it makes YOU laugh!!
Wanna see it? Sure you do. Look!! Up there! (Pretend with me, I am like that annoying Aunt who makes you sit through slides of her Yosemite Trip. See? It's me on a donkey!)
Let me tell you about JINXED. (Here is where you have to go to the bathroom during the slide show and hide out in the kitchen with creepy Uncle Phil until I am done)
JINXED - When opposites attract, they are screwed three ways from Sunday.
Frannie learned the hard way that a McHottie doesn’t always equal marriage material. Besides, she’s happy with her vanilla life. She has friends, a career and a double-D-powered vibrator. Then Fate shoves her, literally, into Prince Charming’s lap. His declaration of love at first sight is cute—and spikes her bullcrap meter into the red zone.
She’s more than willing to give in with her body. But she’s barricaded her heart behind castle walls—and permanently welded the gates shut.
Tragedy taught Jinx that time is too precious to waste, so when a series of uncanny coincidences thrusts Frannie into his life, he holds on tight. He knows she thinks he’s several fries short of a Happy Meal, but he’s determined to breach the fortress around her heart and give her a Happily Ever After.
Even if he has to carry her fanny-first into his kingdom.
WARNING: Includes jelly shoes, a narcoleptic cat, and meatloaf. The steamy sex scenes may lead to fogged windows and wet panties, so proceed at your own risk. Do not attempt to read without the following items: tissues, napkins for spewed beverages, and a booty call on speed dial.
So, there it is, out of the box and polished to a pink frothy goodness. It is funny. It is sad. It is sexy and mostly, it is all mine.
Er, unless you want to buy it. Then it can be all yours, too.
You can visit me here and buy it here and read an excerpt here and Look!! ELVIS here.
Want to win a free copy?(duh Inez, of course they do) Leave me a comment below and I will come back tonight and pick a random commenter for a free download of JINXED!